First published in Teach Primary Magazine in April 2008.
Manipulation is not a dirty word! It is at the heart of successful behaviour management. Gentle, positive, kind but still manipulation. Guiding children towards appropriate behaviour and using your craft to discourage argument is PMS (Professional Manipulative Skill)
As children grow older and realise what you are doing the manipulation becomes more subtle. At times it can be laced with the expectation of reward. While most younger children will accept ‘Mrs Williams needs your help ' without question, a similar request to a worldly year 5 is treated with some suspicion, ‘So you want me to go where? To see who? For what? And you will give me what?. Mmm, can I get back to you on that one'.
Positive manipulation is more immediately effective with the majority of children. Those who expect not to find themselves following the rules. It is the children who come to you with low self image and an expectation that they will cross the lines of acceptable behaviour where your manipulative craft is really tested.
Disconnecting their behaviour with your emotion is a useful first step. Instead of ‘You are making me angry', or ‘If someone else asks to go to the toilet I am going to scream!' leave your emotional response for when you catch them doing the right thing. Teachers who wear their emotional triggers on their sleeve can end up passing control of their emotion over to a 6 year old. Behaviour should also remain disconnected with identity to ensure that your message is not confused. ‘I like you, I don't like your behaviour today' makes it clear to children that there are appropriate and inappropriate behaviours and not appropriate and inappropriate people. Tell a child that he is naughty often enough and he will believe it. Tell a child he is clever/kind/helpful/thoughtful and in time he will believe in himself.
With children who have a limiting self belief your relentless pursuit of their positive attributes can make the difference between an ok day and pandemonium. ‘Wait, wait, where are my stickers, I can feel this is going to be an excellent lesson''. Your certainty chips away at their negative assumptions and inappropriate habits. Used deliberately, day after day with hard to reach children you can interrupt the negative internal monologue that others have allowed to develop.‘You don't look like the kind of person who would take a phone out in class' is a more intelligent approach than ‘Why oh why have you got your phone out again etc...?' In more tense situations it is this assumption of good character that can help guide children away from inappropriate behaviour, ‘Clive, you have made some poor choices today (cutting Sarah's hair being just one of them) I know that you can be very helpful at tidying up, if I give you these books I am sure you will put them neatly on the shelf.
Accepting negative responses and steering away from conversational cul-de-sacs is commonly known as ‘fogging'. Pupils who are skilled at diverting you from the conversation that you want to have can be gently steered back. ‘Yes, you might think it is boring and yet...' or ‘I understand that you don't want to do it however...'
Closed requests that preface the request with a ‘Thank you', ensure that the pupil hears the ‘thank you' before the request. It is more likely to be complied with. Similarly the ‘assumed close' presupposes a positive reaction. ‘When you come and see me at break time can you make sure that you bring your workbook'. Discouraging the usual response to ‘I will to see you at break time'.
When you deliver sanctions to pupils, your PMS is evident when you land them softly and immediately reminding the student of their previous good behaviour, ‘Do you remember when you stayed behind to help me clear up yesterday? That is the kind and helpful person I know'. As you challenge their negative internal monologue, ‘You can choose to follow the rule about squirting paint, you are intelligent, able and..... multicoloured'. Don't demand eye contact, position yourself lower than eye level or side on if you are standing and use a soft, disappointed tone. Remind yourself that the sanction is a consequence not personal retribution, walk away and give the child time to decide what to do next.
With children who are skilled at arguing back and whose arguments flow with such ease it can be hard to get a word in edgeways. A quick ‘Thank you for listening' as they pause to draw breath can knock them off course for a few moments so that you can get your message across and withdraw with your dignity in tact. Similarly with children who openly break the rules and anticipate the conversation that you are going to initiate, throwing a ‘curve ball' can give you the early advantage. Our opening lines are usually the same. The child who is scratching his name on the desk expects, ‘Why are you scratching your name on the desk?' He is ready for the interaction, he may have had the same conversation many times'. Opening with ‘Did you see the hamster running under your legs?' may just give you enough space to correct the behaviour, (‘No neither did I but I did see you drawing on the desk....'), while the child is left ambushed by your diversion.
With the best interests of your pupils at heart fine tuning your language leaves you in control of even the trickiest exchanges. Manipulation is not a dirty word, ask Trevor in year 3, he knows all of them!