First published in Teach Primary Magazine in February 2009.
We often establish rules and routines with the children about work and behaviour but rarely about how they should behave towards us. Tomorrow try agreeing with the pupil a short routine entitled ‘How I like to be treated’. Be clear about what is important to you. Identify how you want to be spoken to, the precise behaviours that you want to see and the manners that are a priority for you. Phrase your routine positively. Write down the behaviours that you want to see rather than those that you are trying to avoid. Try to avoid the use of ‘No’ and ‘Don’t’. When you have established and agreed the routine with the pupil start catching them engaging in those behaviours. ‘That’s it, that is exactly how I like to spoken to, thank you, you are following the routine that we have agreed’. In time you can begin to separate behaviours that are directed at the work, the teacher and the rest of the world and those that are directed at you. Even when the work is not quite appropriate, when playtime has not gone so well and when Trevor has stayed up too late again you can protect your relationship by maintaining appropriate behaviour between the two of you.