First published in Teach Nursery Magazine in January 2013.
Scenario:
Chelsea listens carefully to every instruction and follows none of them. At first you thought that she was just slower at processing information but you have caught her with sneaky eyes once to often. As you turn to talk to another child she quietly does precisely what you told her not to. When confronted, the tears come quickly and the blame is spread to the four corners of the room. ‘WHAT? I NEVER! YOU AIN'T SEEN NUFFIN GOV'.
Choose an intervention strategy that best fits how you might respond:
A - Punish the crime - each time Chelsea doesn't follow your instructions punish her. If she repeatedly ignores instructions punish her repeatedly. If it continues then ask Mum to punish her when she gets home. Make life difficult for Chelsea when she makes the wrong choices.
B - Hold up the mirror - show Chelsea that you know exactly what she is doing. Teach her new behaviours to replace the old ones. Show her the consequences of her behaviour and agree a new routine to try for a new day.
C - Catch her 'on the way' to doing the right thing - each time you give her an instruction watch Chelsea begin showing you she is following the instructions. For the next five days use high levels of praise each time she is quick to do as she is asked. You may not be able to watch her all day but you can repeatedly set her off on the right path.
Now describe what happens in each case:-
A: Punish the Crime
After a few testing bouts of tears your new strategy seems to be working well. You have taken control of the situation and made sure that Chelsea knows who is in charge. All of this works brilliantly until Chelsea decides that she has had enough. As threat heaps on threat and punishment on punishment things get difficult. You both realise that banning Chelsea from water play "UNTIL YOU ARE A FULLY GROWN ADULT" is a little unrealistic. Mum too has exhausted all punishments and she now arrives in school looking increasingly haggard. Besides, your relentless attention on Chelsea is leaving you with little time for the rest of the children. Ryan and the ‘sneezy crew' sense that there may be an opportunity for them to mount a take over. As the children feel your anxiety mount they all begin to wobble. Everything seems a bit unsteady. In the chaos Chelsea begins making her own decisions and returning to her old routine.
Talking behaviour
- Can increasing the amount of punishment make children realise they are making the wrong choices?
- Is it essential that children follow instructions first time, every time?
- How can you link what happens in the Nursery with what happens at home?
B: Hold up the mirror
You make time to sit down with Chelsea and talk to her about her behaviour. As you explain to her what you have noticed you use a series of pictures or symbols to map the behaviours on the table in front of you. The routine is confirmed as a bad routine that doesn't work for Chelsea at all. Now talk her through a different routine mapping the behaviours that you want to see from her in the next session. Again use the pictures or symbols to illustrate this. You are helping Chelsea to see the choices that she has rather than just telling her she has choices. In the next session when you see Chelsea demonstrating new behaviours, practicing her new routine, praise her for it.
Talking behaviour
- At what age do children know the difference between good and bad choices?
- How else can you use pictures and symbols to remind children of the behaviour that you want to see?
- Does positive reinforcement work better to change behaviour than punishment?
C: Catching her ‘on the way' to behaving better
Catch Chelsea doing the right thing immediately after you have given an instruction. "That's brilliant Chelsea, you have started to clear up the paints already, if you grab those trays and take them to the sink, you are really following instructions fast today." Link the immediacy of her response to immediate praise. Make it seem like she is surfing a wave of positive reinforcement everytime she makes a good choice. In a few days this behaviour will seem normal to everyone and you can be surprised and shocked if she falls back into the old routine. At the end of each day take Chelsea back to the map of her behaviours and show her how she is succeeding. The narrow focus on the 'follow instructions' rule coupled with short bursts of positive attention will start to modify Chelsea's behaviour, not just manage it. Sharing what you are doing with Mum will mean that she can use the same strategy at home and help Chelsea to be aware when she is making the right choices.
Talking Behaviour
- When you use intensive bouts of positive reinforcement, are there any negative effects on the child's behaviour?
- How can you encourage the parents to support strategies that you are using at the Nursery?
- When Chelsea makes the wrong choices should she receive a negative consequence or can the behaviour be ignored?
Which approach did you use?
A: Your behaviour style
Crime and Punishment
The size of the punishment is not important here. Younger children do not change their behaviour because they are scared of the consequences, they have not often thought that far ahead. You cannot stand over one child waiting for them to be naughty at the expense of everyone else. The cycle of punishment is not easy to escape when everyone is looking for the bad behaviour. You will always get more of the behaviour that you notice most. Why not notice the good behaviour?
B: Your behaviour style
Mirror, mirror
Talking, thinking and making decisions about behaviour with young children doesn't always feel productive. It certainly isn't instantaneous change. Yet the process of highlighting behaviours to the child, holding up the mirror is essential if they are to develop an understanding of how their behaviour affects themselves and others. You are committed to creating sustainable behaviour change for the long term and resist angry ‘quick fixes'. Your style is more considered, thoughtful and persistent.
C: Your behaviour style
Fishing for the right behaviours
You clearly understand how changing your behaviour, your response and reaction can in turn change the child's behaviour. You also know that trying to change every behaviour all at once is heroic, yet futile. The sharply focused praise centred on a single behaviour is designed to catch the first sniff of a good choice, to nudge Chelsea into the right direction with care, not anger.
Beating children with kindness has always been the only intelligent strategy to change behaviour for the long term.
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